Acknowledging the blood, sweat & tears that went into making a head explode on film, among other things.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

CGI Abominations: My bloody valentine (2009)

Take this review for what it’s worth because I quit watching this film half way through. I took in everything I needed to know about what is wrong with horror filmmaking today just from the first half. I have never seen the 1981 original, but I figured out the end twist right away, which leads me to one of the main reasons American remake horror sucks today:

They dumb everything down for you. Like, really down.

The plot twists are dumb. The acting is Jr. High School quality and the effects… my God THE EFFECTS! Let’s just say the effects crew probably moved on to higher things like the SyFy Channel. Seriously, you get inventive kills reduced to laughable CGI cartoonery…

Using CGI in horror films is the equivalent of CGI nudity in porno. It shows lack of creativity and talent. When all you have is a crap remake, and you offer us CGI, we doze off. Some of the worst bad 80’s horror was redeemed with some creative prosthetics or hacked limbs and REAL fake blood. When you have to rely on CGI blood for your horror film, you’re in the wrong business.

Another headache inducing treat this piece of garbage had to offer me was its painfully obvious post production filter treatment. The colors are so washed out to the point of actually being black and white. There was no definition of depth. Outdoor shots were just as flat as the interiors. I kept fighting the urge to adjust my TV. It became unbearable.

Avoid this film at all costs. You are better off bleaching your anus than sitting through this. I tried to use restraint in reviewing this, but it just isn’t gonna happen. Everyone involved with this film needs to actually watch some movies.

Except for Tom Atkins. Why Tom, why?


  1. Poor Tom Atkins! If only they used real blood effects, then the movie might have been watchable.

  2. post production color filters(along with cgi blood) is another 'resource' modern horror hacks seem to have been flocking to for the last 5-10 years(rob zombie's the devil's rejects)

    modern horror production should be banned for an entire decade to filter out the ex-upn/cw writers and directors. NO ONE will ever look back to the 90's and early 00's as classic eras of horror. Its all been a fucking waste(now Im mad)

  3. Excellent post. I'm also tired of all this CGI in horror films, like The Thing remake/prequel thing. I remember when I saw my first CGI blood. It was in Land of The Dead, just for a head shot. I was rather angered. Long live Tom Savini.